Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
