Where is the hickey?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
