i wish there were pregnant emoticons
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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