I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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