Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
