I wish I could punch you in the face.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
