a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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