Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
