i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize