pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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