i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
