it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I wear drunk well.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize