I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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