That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
