The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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