So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
