I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
