If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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