you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
