dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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