she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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