Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
