Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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