My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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