I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
