And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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