First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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