Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
