My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
