I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
