PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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