mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
