I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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