tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
