Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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