Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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