it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
