I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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