I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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