New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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