Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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