You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
