dude i'm inner monologue high
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
