i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
