you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
