Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
