If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
