I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just gargled with NyQuil
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
