so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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