Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Randomize
