this beer tastes like vomit already
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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