So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize