the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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