Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
