she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think I won the penis lottery.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
