I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
