Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
