Kiss
Puke
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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