so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
