I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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