I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
