After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
