On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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