So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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