i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
