You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
