wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
