he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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