You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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