apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
