i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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