I wish I could teleport
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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