oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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