My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
