Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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